


Can't Stop Running

by erciareyes



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, I love them & I want them to be happy okay?, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-26 05:00:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17135429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erciareyes/pseuds/erciareyes
Summary: He doesn’t know if he’s angry, doesn’t know what he feels at all if he’s honest. All he knows is that his heart is pounding and he feels nauseous, like he’s gonna be sick right here on the sidewalk. But he has to go on.





	Can't Stop Running

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Whiskey/LAX bro get together (or just any whiskey/lax bro content, please, I’m starving) 
> 
> Come find me on Tumblr @ shittylardo
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this little piece of writing, I haven't written anything in like 1 1/2 years and I am proud of myself that I finally kicked my own ass and did something productive. 
> 
> If you find mistakes, please just ignore them if you can. English is not my first language and mistakes always happen. I am just glad I wrote something, tbh.

His heart is racing, winds blowing is his face as the tears roll down his face. He’s been trying to think of a way to figure things out for himself, to find a moment to think about all that had happened the weeks before. Bitty had been trying to get to him and make him talk for days and honestly, Connor didn’t know if he liked it or not.

Sure, Bitty meant no harm, he was worried but he also was a bit nosey if Connor was being honest. Whatever it was that was going in Connor’s life, it was definitely not Bitty’s business as long as it didn’t affect his performance on the ice, which it didn’t. And now this…

He doesn’t know if he’s angry, doesn’t know what he feels at all if he’s honest. All he knows is that his heart is pounding and he feels nauseous, like he’s gonna be sick right here on the sidewalk. But he has to go on. He doesn’t want Bitty following him, he doesn’t want to talk about…this…whatever it is. He doesn’t know. All he does know is that it felt nice to kiss Chad. It always feels nice to kiss Chad. It feels nice to touch him, to be touched by him, to graze his naked skin with his fingers and…

There are footsteps behind him and Connor speeds up, worried that one of his teammates has caught up. All of a sudden he feels chased. All he wants to do is be alone. He needs to time to think. He needs to find some answers and he can’t do that in his room with his roommate around.

The footsteps behind him get faster. Someone is running. He doesn’t know what to do. Should he run? Should he stop and tell them to go away?

“Connor…Connor, please…stop…”

It’s not Bitty behind him.

“Connor, please! Talk to me!”

His feet stop without him even noticing. Suddenly he’s standing still and then, a moment later, there he is: Chad. His eyes are blue like the river where they’d first kissed, reflecting the streetlights. He looks worried, crinkles on his forehead.

“What happened?” he asks.

Connor feels his chest tighten. They’ve talked about this before. He wasn’t ready to tell his team he was gay and Chad had been okay with sneaking around because after all they were only fooling around. It was nothing serious, just a fling. Just fun.

But this doesn’t feel like fun. This doesn’t feel like a fling anymore and Connor doesn’t know how to say what he is thinking, doesn’t know how to explain that his heart is trying to burst out of his chest and right into Chad’s waiting, loving hands every time he lays eyes on him. Connor doesn’t know how to express his feelings, never has because boys don’t talk about stuff like that. Boys don’t feel the things he feels, especially not for other boys.

_“Don’t you hang around with those people ever again, son. They will make you be just like them, just as abnormal. I will not have you around with those homosexual propaganda on your face.”_

He hears the voice of his father, harsh and stinging as he wipes of the rainbow flag from his cheek. He had only meant to support his friend.

“Hey…are you okay? Why are you crying?”

Chad’s voice brings him back to reality.

“I…I can’t…Bitty saw us. He saw us.”

He struggles to breathe, again.

“Uhm…okay?” Chad seems confused. “So what? I mean, Bitty’s like the gay campus icon? He’s dating Jack Zimmermann of all people so I doubt he’ll have a problem with you being-”

“Don’t say it! Don’t say the word!”

Connor pushes out if hand as if he could push the word away. He doesn’t want to hear it. He’s not ready.

“What? Gay? Connor…we talked about this. You don’t need to tell anyone else, it’s okay if you wanna stay in the closet but you…you’ve got to be honest with yourself at least. I understand that-”

“You understand nothing!”

Connor raises his voice and Chad takes a step back. He hates when this happens but he gets so angry and he doesn’t know how to express anger except for shooting pucks at the net and shouting his lungs out. All his life he’s never seen anything else, he’s never had any other outlet.

He feels tears welling up and swallows. Boys don’t cry…but he really wants to.

“You don’t…I am honest with myself. I know I am…gay. But I wasn’t ready, okay? And now everybody knows. You can’t understand it because you’re already out. You chose to come out. Everybody knows you kiss boys left and right. Everyone on your team knows. But it’s different for me. If everyone knows, then someone will tell my dad and then…fuck, it was so stupid to make out at this party, I thought we were safe in the LAX house because nobody on my team would ever go there because Bitty told them not to. Nobody knew. And now…now everybody knows.”

There’s silence between them. Connor doesn’t know what to say, again, he’s out of words. He wants to say so many things, wants to tell Chad that he needs help figuring out how to be okay with who he is but he keeps his lips pressed together.

“Connor…I’m…I’m so sorry.”

It’s all Chad says before he closes the distance between them. He puts his hands on Connor’s shoulders, just a light touch and Connor breaks. He can’t hold all this in. The sobs burst out of him as he lays his head on Chad’s shoulder and cries.

For a few minutes they just stand there, Chad’s hands on Connor’s shaking shoulders until Connor can breathe normally again. Until the burst of feelings is over.

He looks up.

“So…what are you gonna do?” Chad asks.

Connor shrugs. “I have no idea. I guess I’ll have to talk to Bitty at some point? I can’t stay away from the team forever.”

Chad nods. “You want help talking to them? I mean, I’ve done the whole coming out speech before and of course, it wasn’t the same situation but…it’s nerve wracking, I know how that feels. I had to go through it alone but…you don’t have to be alone with this.”

Connor’s heart jumps in his chest at the thought that Chad just offered to help him. Maybe, just maybe…

“You really don’t have to do that, Chad. I know you didn’t want any drama and we’re not even a real thing, you know, just…I know this isn’t anything serious for you, so you don’t have to help me. I’ll figure it out.”

Chad laughs. He smiles at Connor and laughs and Connor feels like he said something wrong.

“Hockey players really aren’t the quickest pucks on the ice, are they?”

He looks at Chad confused. “I don’t get it.”

“I mean that…Connor…I am not fooling around with you. I mean, I was in the beginning but I like you. Do you really think I would have agreed to sneak around all this time with you if I didn’t really like you? I went through all this trouble to meet up with you, I snuck into your bedroom through your window so Bully wouldn’t see me walk up to your room in the hall…like…you think I do that for everyone? I like you, Connor. I really do. And I want to help you, so if you’d let me do that, then I’d be happy to help. As your boyfriend…maybe?”

Connor gasps for air. “My…my boyfriend?”

“Yeah. Sure. I mean, if you’d be okay with that. I understand that you still need time and you don’t wanna be out to the world yet. But we could start by just saying that you’re gay out loud, maybe? And then when you’re ready we’ll go and talk to your Captain, together.”

“Together?” Connor bites his lip. He doesn’t dare to hope this is true. He’s imagined this before, he’s dreamt about it but always forced himself to forget.

“Yeah! Together. Would that be okay for you?”

It would be okay. More than okay. He wants to scream it out into the night and finally let his heart feel what it wants to feel.

Instead he puts his forehead against Chad’s and smiles.

“Yeah, that’s okay with me. Together.”

Chad smiles back at him. “Together.”

"That pun with the pucks was terrible by the way." Connor says and Chad laughs. 

There is still a long way to go, Connor thinks.

But at least this time he doesn’t have to walk all alone.


End file.
